A True Friend

Pope Francis & the Chief Rabbi of Rome, Riccardo Di Segni

Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein has a wonderful post at CrossCurrents about the current Pope. And I could not agree more with him.

I have noted the change in the Church’s relationship for a long time… and have had the same reaction from some of my fellow Orthodox Jews that he mentioned in his opening words. 

I think it is imperative that we see this new reality of our time and address it more publicly. Perhaps the members of the Agudah Moetzes can make some positive and warm pubic statements about the Catholic Church (and even Evangelical Christians like Pastor John Hagee) that will get us beyond the no longer valid hatreds of old.

I should add that a lot of credit goes to Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein who has pioneered good relations with Evangelical Christians. Although he is very controversial (to say the least) and I disagree with some of what he does, you cannot take this achievement away from him. His words follow:

Many Jews are so scarred (rightfully so!) by stories of horrors perpetrated upon us in the name of Christianity, that those stories become a defining part of their reality. Christian hatred of Jews is a given, as real and permanent as gravity. They cannot imagine a world without it. If you are one of those, please stop reading. The rest is not for you.

If you have room in your world view for change in the way some people relate to us, and we to them, you might be interested in learning about salient points of the major document (officially called an apostolic exhortation) that Pope Francis released a short while ago.

Overall, the document is extremely warm and accommodating to Jews and Judaism. It speaks of friendship for a Jewish people that enjoys significance in an irrevocable covenantal relationship with G-d. It owns up to the debt owed to them, and apologizes for their past persecution when done by Christians.

The document includes language important to supporters of Israel looking to defeat the Palestinian and BDS wars against her legitimacy. As I generally eschew political commentary in these pages, I will not write here about that part of the story. BE”H, I hope to publish on it in the general media. I will bring one point, however, to the attention of our readers. I believe it presents an important compliment – and challenge – to frum Jews.

The Vatican regards itself as a sovereign state. It has conducted its own foreign affairs for centuries. Nothing gets out with the imprimatur of the Church without every word and nuance being weighed and measured. There are no haphazard or casual expressions, unless multiple people have blundered. Those people are expert in diplomacy, and assessing the impact their words will have on those who scrutinize them.

This makes it interesting to compare what the document says about Muslims (to whom the Pope also extends the olive branch) with what it says concerning Jews.

Here, in part, is what the document says about Muslims and Islam:

Our relationship with the followers of Islam has taken on great importance, since they are now significantly present in many traditionally Christian countries, where they can freely worship and become fully a part of society. We must never forget that they “profess to hold the faith of Abraham, and together with us they adore the one, merciful God, who will judge humanity on the last day”… It is admirable to see how Muslims both young and old, men and women, make time for daily prayer and faithfully take part in religious services. 

In order to sustain dialogue with Islam, suitable training is essential for all involved, not only so that they can be solidly and joyfully grounded in their own identity, but so that they can also acknowledge the values of others, appreciate the concerns underlying their demands and shed light on shared beliefs. We Christians should embrace with affection and respect Muslim immigrants to our countries in the same way that we hope and ask to be received and respected in countries of Islamic tradition. I ask and I humbly entreat those countries to grant Christians freedom to worship and to practice their faith, in light of the freedom which followers of Islam enjoy in Western countries! 

The interest in Muslims is magnified by their immigration to Christian countries. There is some sharing of values. Many take G-d seriously. Francis gives them not so subtle mussar about the importance of learning to respect others, and asks for reciprocity of the freedoms and privileges that Christians have given them.

All of this is absent in his treatment of Jews. The connection of Christianity to Judaism is organic, not accidental. He does not ask anything of them, but talks of friendship and a special relationship.

But most important, at least in my reading, are some key words in Section 249: “G-d continues to work among the people of the Old Covenant and to bring forth treasures of wisdom which flow from their encounter with his word.” In other words, there is recognition and expectation that Jews remain an עם חכם ונבון/ a wise and comprehending people. They possess Divine wisdom, and those who seek deeper understanding of His ways ought to listen to what they have to say, when they speak in the name of the Torah.

Some of us – myself included – have witnessed this thirst for Jewish insight again and again, from people light-years away from converting. Some of us realize that we are in the first generation in many centuries that we can even think of trying to apply the Torah’s wisdom to the questions that trouble general society – not as part of a polemic, but simply to enhance the good of humanity, and Hashem’s glory.

It is quite a challenge. How much are we doing to own up to it, and to equip ourselves and our children with the tools to create a kind of Kiddush Hashem that was unthinkable for centuries?

A KIddush HaShem Goes Viral

We need more Isaac Theils. From Tablet - an article by Tova Ross

In a long life of quiet good deeds that generally go unnoticed except by the individuals on the receiving end, Isaac Theil, 65, had no hidden agenda last Thursday when he felt his neighbor on the Brooklyn-bound Q train nod off on his shoulder, and then let him sleep soundly there for the better part of the next hour.

A fellow passenger, taken by this scene, was further struck when Theil politely declined his offer to rouse the dozing straphanger. “He must have had a long day, let him sleep. We’ve all been there, right?” said Theil. The astounded passenger took a furtive photograph, posted itwith an accompanying caption on Reddit, and the rest, as they say, is social media history: the photo quickly made its way through the blogosphere and garnered over one million “likes” and nearly 200,000 shares on Facebook.

“The whole thing was happenstance, and I simply remembered the times my own head would bop on someone’s shoulder because I was so tired after a long day,” Theil recounted, sounding bewildered by his sudden catapult into viral Internet fame. The still-unidentified young man remained fast asleep as the train pulled into Newkirk Avenue, Theil’s usual point of departure, and Theil gently eased him off his shoulder before exiting. “When I got off the subway, I didn’t give it a second thought.”

It was Theil’s sister in Montreal, Pam Russ, who called him early the next morning to let him know he appeared in an online photo; her eagle-eyed son had spotted his uncle and quickly alerted family members. Before long, the phone calls poured in from family and friends who were seeing it everywhere. When Theil arrived at shul for Shabbat the next day, the rabbi gave him a huge smile and two thumbs up before making his way over to praise his Kiddush Hashem.

“Who lets a random stranger sleep on his shoulder in germ-filled New York City?” asked Theil’s 32-year-old daughter Helah. “But this is just typical of Dad.”

Other family members, friends, and neighbors corroborated Helah’s observation of her father’s penchant for doing good deeds in his typically unassuming manner; many shared their experiences with these acts of kindness online. Yehuda Jason Schupper, a neighbor of Theil’s younger daughter Shira, 27, shared the time his wife was waiting outside for an ambulance to take their daughter to the emergency room after an accidental injury. “Mr. Thiel observed my frantic wife and though he knew her only in passing, immediately offered to drive her to the hospital and then did so,” he wrote.

“Isaac’s lovely act of graciousness towards a stranger on the train is emblematic of the life that he leads and behavior that he strives for,” said Orlee Zorbaron, a close relative. “He is a kind and generous person who takes to heart the Jewish tenet of ‘do unto others,’” she added.

Pnina Rudy, a longtime family friend, said that in the 20-plus years she’s known him, “Mr. Theil has always taken a genuine interest in people and asks how they’re doing because he really wants to know, and not because he’s fulfilling some pat obligation to make small talk.”

Even Helah’s ex-husband, Yehuda Feldman, speaks kindly of him; maintaining warm relationships to ex in-laws might be the most irrefutable evidence to Theil’s all-around likeability factor.

“Despite the fact that I am no longer married to his daughter, Isaac made sure to let me know that he would always be there for me if I ever needed anything,” Feldman said. “Needless to say, this attitude is not very common in cases of divorce.”

Elad Nehorai, a popular blogger who runs Pop Chassid, was the one who pulled the photo from Reddit and first posted it on Facebook. As the director of marketing for Charidy, a startup dedicated to reinventing the way people support charities, Nehorai is always on the lookout for things to post on social media that foster communal goodwill. “I thought the photo was a perfect fit as soon as I saw it, though I had no way of knowing if it would take off,” he explained. “Clearly, people have responded, and I think it’s small moments like this one, which are easily captured and spread across the Internet, that help to restore people’s faith in humanity amid the terrible news stories that we’re bombarded with on a frequent basis.”

Of course, the Internet also invites remarks from those who are more small-minded, and several commentators have offered up their worst racial assumptions about the image. Others have taken offense to the photo caption’s references to the religion and race of the two men, as though that was what made the story so compelling.

“Maybe the photo wouldn’t have become so popular if people weren’t seeing a Jewish man with a yarmulke and a black man in a hood, and because they might not necessarily correlate the two,” theorized Theil. “But there is only one reason that I didn’t move, and let him continue sleeping, and that has nothing to do with race. He was simply a human being who was exhausted, and I knew it and happened to be there and have a big shoulder to offer him.”

Theil jokes that his 15 minutes of viral fame are almost up, but he gets serious when he says that what he hopes people remember is not him so much as the opportunity to help the next person out, whether it’s on the subway or elsewhere. “I would love for people to use this as a lesson to just be good to each other.”

Tova Ross is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and the Huffington Post. She is a contributing blogger at Kveller.com.

Not Yet... What?

Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman

Absolutely brilliant! Love it! This essay at NLE Resources by Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman really hit home with me. It is a must read. The more I read by him... and the more I hear about him... the more I like him. Here it is in its entirety:

Growing up in Brooklyn, I knew there were ‘frum’ or observant Jews and there were non-religious or non-observant Jews. Bottom line, we were all Jews.

Suddenly, when I was first thrust into the heartland of BT country, Passaic-I had to learn a whole new lexicon.

Jews were now divided between FFBs and BTs. (I am loathing to decipher these acronyms, for by doing so I am disseminating and there by encouraging their usage. Nevertheless, FFB is “Frum From Birth” and BT is “Baal Teshuva” or a ‘born again’ Jew.)

However, as strange and somewhat disdainful, these labels were to me, one new phrase really irked me. The particular expression I am referring to is the way many BTs (and even some FFBs) reference those of our brethren who were not outwardly observant. The phrase they adorned them with is ‘not-yet-frum-Jews’.

At first my need to fit in and not to seem any less ‘frum’ than my peers (and certainly never wanting to convey the impression that the Mitzvah which trumps all other Mitzvohs; the Mitzvah which prompts Challahs to be baked and wallets to be emptied, namely ‘kiruv,’ was not paramount in my mindset), I too began to use this term proudly.

Immediately, my ninety year old cousin from Texas who never put on Tefillin in his life and has had no contact with a Jew in 69 years had overnight become a ‘not-yet-Frum-Jew’.

With a little imagination I could even engage in a little one-upmanship with my BT neighbor. Why stop with just being a ‘not-yet-Frum- Jew’; I began to refer to my cousin as my ‘not-yet-Gadol HaDor-cousin’! This was great. Instantly, no one had any more ‘non-religious’ relatives of friends; we only have ‘not-yet-frum’ relatives and friends.

However, although the phrase is still widely used by many, I have excised it from my lexicon.
Why? Why not join the flow?

First of all, it is not true.

Where does it say that everyone will become Frum in our lifetime?

Yes, perhaps in the Messianic time the recognition of Hashem will be clearer than now which will cause many (although perhaps not all) to return to Hashem.

However, if what we really mean when we refer to our brethren as ‘not-yet-frum’ is an expression of the hope that when the Messiah arrives everyone will return, then why just refer to non-frum-Jews as ‘not-yet-frum’? How about referring to our deceased relatives as ‘not-yet-resurrected-Jews’?!

Can you imagine that? We will stop saying, “My dear departed father” and instead say, “My not-yet-resurrected father”.

And if you contend that the phrase ‘not-yet-frum’ conveys our belief that ‘in this world’ through ‘kiruv’ everyone can return and you are just being optimistic; well statistically it is just not accurate.

The fact of the matter is that precluding a jolting jarring dose of divine intervention, most ‘not-yet-frum-Jews’ are going to remain ‘not’. Sad? Perhaps; however, realistic it is. However, there is an even greater and more compelling reason why I have removed it from my vocabulary.

It is condescending and arrogant and I cannot believe that anyone who hears you refer to them as such would get the ‘warm and fuzzies’. Would anyone of ‘us’ feel good if we found out that Satmar Chassidim refer to us as ‘not-yet-Satmar’? Would you appreciate it if a Modern Orthodox Jew (whatever that is) would refer to you as: “My not-yet-Modern Orthodox” Chareidi cousin?
None of us would be happy if a member of another religion would refer to Jews as ‘not-yet-Christians or Moslems?’

Please forgive the analogy; however, this reference is outright patronizing and by using the phrase, we are disparaging our fellow Jews and their life-choices. Irrespective of the truth of your position, it is hard to imagine that the object of your phrase would be very receptive to your overtures of ‘kiruv’ when it is obvious to them that you are disdainful of their lifestyle and discredit their life choices.

We all have the responsibility and obligation to help and assist those Jews who are in need of assistance.

We must assist them in their material and spiritual needs. However, we also have an obligation to be respectful of them and legitimize them as people. It is a challenge to thread the needle properly. On one hand, we want to share the spiritual riches we have discovered and benefit from. On the other hand, we must avoid the pitfall of denigrating and being dismissive of our fellow Jews It is a challenging. However, the phrase ‘not-yet-frum’ should be discontinued as an idiomatic expression, as it is much closer to being an expression of idiocy.

When Good Things Happen to Good People

Dining room before makeover

Dining Room after makeover

Wow! This is a great example of both bad things happening to good people - and for a change good things happening to good people. The inexplicable tragedies that the Vaspis have suffered did not deter the selfless good they have done for others. And now, without asking for it, something truly nice has been done for them. Kol HaKavod to the producers of the Israeli version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. From COL Live:

How can you help a good-hearted family whose entire life is about generosity, giving and helping others while they live in poverty and have suffered a tragedy?

Make over their crumbling home.

Both baalei teshuva, the Vaspis suffered a devastating tragedy when their 1-year-old daughter Menucha Rochel drowned in an abandoned rubber boat that was filled with rain water two years ago.

"You can't actually convey the feeling of losing a beloved child. The world stops," the 43 year-old mother said on the program, which was broadcast this past Motzoei Shabbos on Israel's Channel 10.

The family suffered an earlier tragedy when they were traveling and a bus lost control and hit their car. Their daughter Sheina was severely injured. The doctors needed to amputate her leg, leaving her wheelchair-bound.

And while they have been living in a decaying home and forsaken surroundings, the Vaspis are known for their constant kindness and hospitality. "Our activity gives us strength," the couple said.

The Vaspis

"Their home is open 24 hours a day," said Naomi Tzimering, a mother of 11 children. When she needed to move and could not afford a down payment, the Vaspis provided her with installment checks.

Tzimering was one of the many friends and neighbors who came to help the contractors of "Extreme Makeover" with renovating the Vaspis' home. "They don't even have a lock on the front door," the host Amos Tamam pointed out in amazement about the home that also serves as a kindergarden.

Friends noted how a warm meal is always offered to any in need. "Einav could call Anat at 3 p.m. and notify her that they will be having 30 guests for dinner," one of them said. "And she will never say no."

Seeking inspiration and understanding of the chassidic lifestyle, interior designers Michael Azulay and Gat Namir-Choter-Yishaitraveled to the central Israeli village of Kfar Chabad where they toured the replica of 770 Eastern Parkway, Lubavitch Headquarters in Brooklyn, NY.

They learned about the idea of "bayis malei seforim," that a Jewish home should be filled with holy books, and decided to paint the Vaspis' home in a shade inspired by the red brick row "house of theRebbe of Lubavitch."

While they were working on building a kosher home - separate sinks for dairy and meat, a large display of seforim and photos of the Rebbe throughout - they sent the family on vacation in the Golan Heights.

When the Vaspis returned, after 5 days of hard labor on their house, they were welcomed by a crowd of cheering people and a colorful, modern brand new home and friendly garden which was named the "Joy of Life Park."

"This family contributes to the community every day and this was our chance to give back to them with whole hearts," said the host, thanking the many Israeli firms that donated appliances, tiles and lumber.

They even redid the "farbrengen corner," the barbecue area where Einav holds a weekly chassidic inspirational gathering for men. A frequent guest there is the local Shliach Rabbi Yaakov Reices who came to affix a Mezuzah on the front door.

The mezuza was shaped as the middle column and entrance of the 770 building. "Shehecheyanu Vekiyimanu vahigiyanu," the father blessed with a wide smile, and tears in his wife and children's eyes.

The Israeli version of the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" reality television series has recently featured the house of Einav and Anat Vaspi, residents of the rural settlement Yesud HaMa'ala in Northern Israel.

Creators of the show, which provides home improvements for families that faced some sort of recent or ongoing hardship, were touched by the story of the Lubavitch couple and their 4 daughters.

Is She Right?

Frimet Goldbeger - Photo credit: Forward

I have to say… Frimet Goldberger, a formerly Chasidic (Satmar) but still Orthodox woman  is very hard to disagree with. From the Forward:

As an Orthodox woman, I understand the unique challenges men, especially Orthodox men, face daily in controlling their beastly sexual impulses. I understand because I live with a man. An Orthodox man.

Men, before you get all riled up about my sexist statement, allow me to explain. In a recent article, blogger PopChassid addresses this issue.

“Dear women,” he writes, “I have a request…I would like to ask you to dress modestly…I’ve come to accept something about myself. That inside of me is something dark. Something disturbing. It’s the evil, conniving side of me…It’s what I call my friggin’ bastard within…It’s the side of me that turns people into objects. Especially women… I need to work not to objectify you no matter what. Even if you’re dressed in a bikini or even, for some reason, running around naked. But here’s the thing: just like anything in my life, whether it’s not gossiping or getting angry or anything else — I screw up. I screw up a lot. That’s who I am, that’s who (I’m guessing) you are, and that’s who everyone else. I’m a screwup. It’s my natural state of existence.”

To this I say, Amen, screwup. Women are objectified by friggin’ bastards, all the time. And men have to deal with this, all the time.

That is simply not fair.

You see, as someone who disposed of many of the stringent Hasidic modesty rules, I can attest to the fact that immodest women are objects. In fact, I am constantly objectified by many disturbing, dark, and evil men. For instance, when I dress in a bikini and run around naked (which happens all the time), men need to work that much harder to control their urges.

But, here’s the thing: just like anything in my life — whether it’s not flashing my next door neighbor, or putting on clothing in the morning, or anything else — I screw up. I screw up a lot. It’s my natural state of existence, and I can’t help it.

Before you write me off as a joke, hear me out. I have a suggestion to you, Popper (can I call you that?), and to all struggling bastardly men out there:

Take your request a step further. Demand that women all over (that includes you, Pamela Anderson!) dress according to the tznius standards of the queens of modesty — Satmar women.

The attire for Satmar women is consciously designed with evil men in mind. Women wear long-sleeved refrigerator boxes, short wigs or shpitzels (synthetic hair rolled up into a sausage-shaped accessory, usually worn underneath a scarf, so that only one round inch shows), and bulletproof stockings — which acquired their name from the famous and heroic story of the late Satmar Rebbe, Yoel Teitelbaum, who, in order to ascertain the thickness of his signature stockings, had his gabbai shoot through them with a Glock 22, while he wore them on his legs.

What are the benefits of dressing like Satmar women, you may ask. Well, as a former Satmar, I can assure you they are numerous. No Satmar man ever struggles with impure thoughts; he never has to see a pair of elbows that isn’t his wife’s; he also never has weird things happening you know where because of a woman, unless it is in his bedroom — with his wife.

They are the true bas yisroels — the pious gatekeepers of Hashem’s Torah, his children, heck, even his world.

But, I know, this may not be possible for everyone. So — my other suggestion to you is to advocate for modesty standards that comply with those of the so-called ‘Hot Chanis’. One commenter suggested they are as immodest as shiksas. That is false. In fact, men all over prefer tight skirts over pants and $3,000 styled-to-perfection wigs over temperamental hair. ‘Sheitle Hookers’ are perhaps not as modest as Satmar women, but they certainly dress for their husbands and not for other beastly men. I have spoken to some of them and they are completely befuddled by the assertion that they are trying to reel in other men.

PopChassid, as a formerly-Satmar and currently naked Orthodox woman, I ask that you please consider my suggestion. I honestly believe you will be doing women, and especially the women close to you, a great service if you do. 

Empowering Special-Needs Kids.

Shira Greenland

There are some really great people in the world today. Shira is one of them. She is everything the following Jewish Week article says and a lot more. She also happens to be the sister of my son in law NCSY International Director Rabbi Micha Greenland:

At Shalem, a Teaneck high school for teens with developmental disabilities — part of New Jersey’s SINAI network of Orthodox special-needs schools — Shira Greenland’s official job title is director.

In recent years she’s also become the school’s theater director — and producer/playwright/choreographer — overseeing such productions as “Newsies,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and, most recently, “The Sound of Music.”

She first tried a production five years ago, inspired by an autistic student who “had a natural ability to act, and I wanted to try and create that opportunity for him. And I felt his peers could do well in supporting roles.”

After that student graduated, Greenland wasn’t sure the show could go on. But because the kids had enjoyed the experience so much, she decided to try.

“What I’ve learned is how capable the kids really are,” she says.

A native of Chicago, Greenland began working with developmentally disabled kids the summer after her freshman year of high school, volunteering as a “shadow” at a day camp.

By the time she started college, at Stern, she knew “this was a population I wanted to work with, I just wasn’t sure in what capacity.” While pursuing a master’s in social work at Columbia, she began working at SINAI, first as a school social worker.

Greenland organizes a variety of chesed projects where her students “are the do-ers of chesed.”

She explained, “I’m trying to teach society that [these students are] capable of giving, not just receiving.”

Before running the SINAI high school, Greenland worked in its group home for adults, where “I’ve made it clear that a developmental disability is not an excuse to sit on the couch and watch TV. They’re adults and part of our community, and there are all sorts of ways they can contribute, whether it’s going to a shiva house and completing the minyan or comforting a mourner by your presence, or delivering meals on wheels.”

Bittersweet move: This summer Greenland, who is single, will make aliyah, something she’s been wanting to do for 15 years. “Last summer I decided I’m not going to wait anymore, I’m going to take the plunge,” she says. “But it also means saying goodbye to my students.”

Another Chilul HaShem

I really think that most Yeshiva high schools - including this Modern Orthodox one - simply do not teach their students how to behave in public. And that can only end up in Chilul HaShem. Furthermore, I don't buy the argument made by one of those students at the end of the following JTA article. In fact I think he increased the Chilul HaShem with those accusations! What is the matter with these people?

We’ve all been there before. You’re on a flight and a teenager wearing a Dave Matthews Band t-shirt, headphones and a neck pillow walks down the aisle still wearing sunglasses. Then another one. And another.

Or maybe you’ve been the teenager on a flight, excited to hang out with your friends and schmooze en route to some sunny destination.

Either way, it can be frustrating: for the adult passengers, who just want the damn kids to sit down and shut up; and for the kids, who keep being told to sit down and shut up.

That frustration apparently boiled over on Monday, when 101 Jewish high school students and their eight chaperones were ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight to Atlanta, CNN reported.

The facts of the matter remain, shall we say, up in the air. The crew claims the students, from Yeshivah of Flatbush in Brooklyn, were thrown off because of their disruptive behavior, refusing to sit down and shut down their phones prior to takeoff. The teachers and students claim the crew blew the situation of proportion and that they were acting well within normal expectations. Predictably, one student felt that it was their visible religiosity that drew unwarranted attention.

“They treated us like we were terrorists,” student Jonathan Zehavi said. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m not someone to make these kinds of statements. I think if it was a group of non-religious kids, the air stewardess wouldn’t have dared to kick them off.”

The group was put on other flights within the hour.