By Elishva Rishon
This important article from Nashim Magazine speaks for itself. There is nothing for me to add. It follows in its entirety.
I will start my story by saying that what you are about to
read is not an attempt to demonize an entire community. The Orthodox Jewish
community has the amazing potential to practice true Ahavat Yisrael and to
grow. The keyword here is “potential”. The Baal Shem Tov understood this, and
he spent his life trying to show Jews that they are supposed to be responsible
for each other and to show each other love. The concept of Ahavat Yisrael is
deeply imbedded in Judaism, yet, in my experience, as a Black Jewish woman, it
is a concept not always properly embraced.
I grew up in the Orthodox Jewish communities of Crown
Heights and Flatbush. As a child, I only saw myself as Jewish and equal to
everyone else. I loved singing Adon Olam at the top of my lungs. I
loved going over to the men’s side for the Kohanim’s blessing, and I smiled as
I felt the warmth of Hashem’s love underneath my Abba’s tallit. I loved saying
“Shabbat shalom” to people, even though they never said it back to
me. But in spite of my enthusiasm at being a Jew, I learned at a very young age
that some members of the Jewish community did not share this enthusiasm.
I will never forget my earliest memory of being introduced
to racism in my community. This earth-shattering moment occurred when I was
about 8 or 9 years old, in a shul in Crown Heights. On Shabbat, during the
Torah reading, a group of kids would always go out to play in the courtyard,
and being shy, I never knew how to ask them if I could play with them. Finally,
one day, I gathered up the courage and approached these girls, who were playing
with a ball, and asked them if I could play. The girls made faces and said,
“No, you can’t play with us—you’re black and dirty!”
I didn’t understand.
I checked my hands and showed them that they were clean.
They laughed. I insisted to them that I had just washed my hands in the
bathroom. They told me the “dirt” was all over my body, and then made a reference
to the word “black” again before running away, laughing.
I was still confused.
That Shabbat, I went home and looked in the mirror at myself
for hours until I saw that I was black. Once I saw it, I then
understood that being black made me “bad” and “dirty”. Until then, I only
thought I was Jewish.
The pain of this discrimination got even worse after I was
introduced to the concept of colorism (prejudice based on shades of skin tone).
The shul girls would never play with me or my younger sister
once they established that we were “black”, “bad” and “dirty”. However, once a
year, this rule was relaxed, when most of the other kids went away to summer
camp upstate.
With fewer kids to play with, the ones who were still around
felt it was “ok” to play with us—the black kids, the leftovers.
In this instance, I was standing side by side with my
younger sister, and the girls were deciding whether or not to play with us. I
remember them saying they would play with my sister but not me, because she was
the “lighter shvartze”, and “better” because she was “less dirty”.
When my younger sister went off to play with them, I ran to
the bathroom—the bad, smelly one that no one went into—to cry. I stayed there
until I heard davening conclude with the kids singing my favorite song, Adon
Olam.
The girls repeated this selection process over and over
again throughout the summer. Now exposed to colorism, I secretly began to
resent my sister, who was shades lighter than me.
I also began to resent my dark skin and would try to wish it
away or scrub at it unnecessarily, in the hopes that it would make me lighter.
Looking back on it now, it was utterly ridiculous, yet to my
young, developing mind, these negative interactions—followed by many, many more
similar situations—were creating deep trauma in my psyche.
Coming into adulthood, my experiences of racism within
Orthodox circles only became more complex and troubling. To be clear, not
every racist situation I have had to endure was always done in such an obvious
manner. Some racist interactions are absentminded ones. However, most
racist exchanges are less apparent and very subtle—aka microaggressions. They
are much more common than loud, screaming racism.
I have experienced these microaggressions in everyday
situations, such as:
Walking into a Jewish store with Jewish friends and being
the only one watched and followed by the store manager.
Being at a job interview with a Jewish employer who makes
comments like, “I was expecting a Jewish girl from Brooklyn,” and when I say,
“I am a Jewish girl from Brooklyn,” he looks at me with smug
disbelief.
Being on a shidduch date, and having to tell the man to stop
touching me since I am shomer negiah, and then he smirks and uses various words
to insinuate that I must be immoral because, in his experience, someone who
“looks” like me doesn’t act appropriately.
Being at a singles shabbaton in a hotel, dressed in fancy
Shabbat clothes, wearing a Magen David necklace, and still, several fellow
Jewish attendees throughout the event approach me to ask me when their dinner
will be served or why I am there.
When someone refuses to believe that I am Jewish or was born
a Jew and says, “You don’t look Jewish.”
These microaggressions don’t go away with time or when
“people get to know you”, as some in the community love to claim. No—they are
persistent to this very day, because this behavior is generally tolerated in
Orthodox Jewish culture. It is inescapable. And it is something that eats away
at my neshama, hurting it, every day.
Another awful aspect of going through these experiences is
telling my friends in the community what is happening, and then being told 1 of
3 things, or even all 3 things at once:
1. “I don’t believe you. Prove it.”
2. “Stop being so sensitive. Everyone has a tikkun—yours is
being black. Deal with it.”
3. “Stop being so negative. If you were more positive,
people would not be racist toward you. Also, stop making a Chillul Hashem by
talking about bad things other Jews do to you.”
It is so frustrating to hear these responses repeatedly
throughout your entire life. It makes you feel helpless, as you are being
victimized again. It makes you feel like you are being a bad Jew by discussing
being treated poorly, differently or both, just because of your skin
color. It makes you feel anger and humiliation, as no one wants to make a
change and would rather label you as the problem.
It also places a huge burden on you to handle this constant
behavior on your own—something which directly goes against the concept of
communal responsibility associated with Ahavat Yisrael.
I hope that I have brought some awareness to the community
by writing this article. I would like to ask the members of the Orthodox Jewish
world to be more mindful of other Jews and what they teach their children, and
to listen to Black Jewish people and believe Black Jewish
people when we tell you we are dealing with situations of discrimination. We
can’t fight these battles on our own—we can only work on this together as a
community.
Walking into a Jewish store with Jewish friends and being the only one watched and followed by the store manager.
1. “I don’t believe you. Prove it.”
2. “Stop being so sensitive. Everyone has a tikkun—yours is being black. Deal with it.”
3. “Stop being so negative. If you were more positive, people would not be racist toward you. Also, stop making a Chillul Hashem by talking about bad things other Jews do to you.”
It also places a huge burden on you to handle this constant behavior on your own—something which directly goes against the concept of communal responsibility associated with Ahavat Yisrael.
This article is four years old and I'm surprised that there are no comments, nothing to acknowledge and validate your pain and hurt. First off, your friends should have comforted you instead of gaslighting you. Secondly, perhaps your parents should have moved to a more tolerant community when you were young and subjected to such bullying. There has been a recent new case of bullying in CH within the last few weeks of November, 2024. So, the problem has not gone away. I hope you will find a more accepting community, which probably would be more along the modern Orthodox streams of Judaism. We learn from Parshat Vayeshev on how Yosef was bullied by his brothers and sold into slavery. He used this experience to become a leader, listening to the problems and sorrows of others and using it as a means to increase his empathy and help them realize their own dreams. You see, true leadership is not about materializing your own dreams or imposing your will and vision on others. It's not about influencing others to adopt your ideals, but by helping others to achieve their dreams and goals. At the beginning of Vayeishev, Yosef dreams of himself at the center, but by the end, of the parashah, he becomes part of other people’s dreams. Only after being thrown into prison does he learn the art of listening to other people's dreams and helping them make sense of their own personal aspirations and desires. In that dark, dank prison, Yosef finally becomes part of someone else’s story and merits to become a leader over all of Egypt. Use your personal suffering as a means to gain empathy for others, and find a platform where you can help others achieve their dreams and goals. This will empower you and help you overcome such terrible mistreatment. Midah k'neged midah, you will overcome your adversaries by helping others rather than tearing them down like they did to you. You will rise above them and, like Yosef, merit to become a leader in Israel. Hatzlacha raba.
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