Not Yet... What?

Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman

Absolutely brilliant! Love it! This essay at NLE Resources by Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman really hit home with me. It is a must read. The more I read by him... and the more I hear about him... the more I like him. Here it is in its entirety:

Growing up in Brooklyn, I knew there were ‘frum’ or observant Jews and there were non-religious or non-observant Jews. Bottom line, we were all Jews.

Suddenly, when I was first thrust into the heartland of BT country, Passaic-I had to learn a whole new lexicon.

Jews were now divided between FFBs and BTs. (I am loathing to decipher these acronyms, for by doing so I am disseminating and there by encouraging their usage. Nevertheless, FFB is “Frum From Birth” and BT is “Baal Teshuva” or a ‘born again’ Jew.)

However, as strange and somewhat disdainful, these labels were to me, one new phrase really irked me. The particular expression I am referring to is the way many BTs (and even some FFBs) reference those of our brethren who were not outwardly observant. The phrase they adorned them with is ‘not-yet-frum-Jews’.

At first my need to fit in and not to seem any less ‘frum’ than my peers (and certainly never wanting to convey the impression that the Mitzvah which trumps all other Mitzvohs; the Mitzvah which prompts Challahs to be baked and wallets to be emptied, namely ‘kiruv,’ was not paramount in my mindset), I too began to use this term proudly.

Immediately, my ninety year old cousin from Texas who never put on Tefillin in his life and has had no contact with a Jew in 69 years had overnight become a ‘not-yet-Frum-Jew’.

With a little imagination I could even engage in a little one-upmanship with my BT neighbor. Why stop with just being a ‘not-yet-Frum- Jew’; I began to refer to my cousin as my ‘not-yet-Gadol HaDor-cousin’! This was great. Instantly, no one had any more ‘non-religious’ relatives of friends; we only have ‘not-yet-frum’ relatives and friends.

However, although the phrase is still widely used by many, I have excised it from my lexicon.
Why? Why not join the flow?

First of all, it is not true.

Where does it say that everyone will become Frum in our lifetime?

Yes, perhaps in the Messianic time the recognition of Hashem will be clearer than now which will cause many (although perhaps not all) to return to Hashem.

However, if what we really mean when we refer to our brethren as ‘not-yet-frum’ is an expression of the hope that when the Messiah arrives everyone will return, then why just refer to non-frum-Jews as ‘not-yet-frum’? How about referring to our deceased relatives as ‘not-yet-resurrected-Jews’?!

Can you imagine that? We will stop saying, “My dear departed father” and instead say, “My not-yet-resurrected father”.

And if you contend that the phrase ‘not-yet-frum’ conveys our belief that ‘in this world’ through ‘kiruv’ everyone can return and you are just being optimistic; well statistically it is just not accurate.

The fact of the matter is that precluding a jolting jarring dose of divine intervention, most ‘not-yet-frum-Jews’ are going to remain ‘not’. Sad? Perhaps; however, realistic it is. However, there is an even greater and more compelling reason why I have removed it from my vocabulary.

It is condescending and arrogant and I cannot believe that anyone who hears you refer to them as such would get the ‘warm and fuzzies’. Would anyone of ‘us’ feel good if we found out that Satmar Chassidim refer to us as ‘not-yet-Satmar’? Would you appreciate it if a Modern Orthodox Jew (whatever that is) would refer to you as: “My not-yet-Modern Orthodox” Chareidi cousin?
None of us would be happy if a member of another religion would refer to Jews as ‘not-yet-Christians or Moslems?’

Please forgive the analogy; however, this reference is outright patronizing and by using the phrase, we are disparaging our fellow Jews and their life-choices. Irrespective of the truth of your position, it is hard to imagine that the object of your phrase would be very receptive to your overtures of ‘kiruv’ when it is obvious to them that you are disdainful of their lifestyle and discredit their life choices.

We all have the responsibility and obligation to help and assist those Jews who are in need of assistance.

We must assist them in their material and spiritual needs. However, we also have an obligation to be respectful of them and legitimize them as people. It is a challenge to thread the needle properly. On one hand, we want to share the spiritual riches we have discovered and benefit from. On the other hand, we must avoid the pitfall of denigrating and being dismissive of our fellow Jews It is a challenging. However, the phrase ‘not-yet-frum’ should be discontinued as an idiomatic expression, as it is much closer to being an expression of idiocy.

When Good Things Happen to Good People

Dining room before makeover

Dining Room after makeover

Wow! This is a great example of both bad things happening to good people - and for a change good things happening to good people. The inexplicable tragedies that the Vaspis have suffered did not deter the selfless good they have done for others. And now, without asking for it, something truly nice has been done for them. Kol HaKavod to the producers of the Israeli version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. From COL Live:

How can you help a good-hearted family whose entire life is about generosity, giving and helping others while they live in poverty and have suffered a tragedy?

Make over their crumbling home.

Both baalei teshuva, the Vaspis suffered a devastating tragedy when their 1-year-old daughter Menucha Rochel drowned in an abandoned rubber boat that was filled with rain water two years ago.

"You can't actually convey the feeling of losing a beloved child. The world stops," the 43 year-old mother said on the program, which was broadcast this past Motzoei Shabbos on Israel's Channel 10.

The family suffered an earlier tragedy when they were traveling and a bus lost control and hit their car. Their daughter Sheina was severely injured. The doctors needed to amputate her leg, leaving her wheelchair-bound.

And while they have been living in a decaying home and forsaken surroundings, the Vaspis are known for their constant kindness and hospitality. "Our activity gives us strength," the couple said.

The Vaspis

"Their home is open 24 hours a day," said Naomi Tzimering, a mother of 11 children. When she needed to move and could not afford a down payment, the Vaspis provided her with installment checks.

Tzimering was one of the many friends and neighbors who came to help the contractors of "Extreme Makeover" with renovating the Vaspis' home. "They don't even have a lock on the front door," the host Amos Tamam pointed out in amazement about the home that also serves as a kindergarden.

Friends noted how a warm meal is always offered to any in need. "Einav could call Anat at 3 p.m. and notify her that they will be having 30 guests for dinner," one of them said. "And she will never say no."

Seeking inspiration and understanding of the chassidic lifestyle, interior designers Michael Azulay and Gat Namir-Choter-Yishaitraveled to the central Israeli village of Kfar Chabad where they toured the replica of 770 Eastern Parkway, Lubavitch Headquarters in Brooklyn, NY.

They learned about the idea of "bayis malei seforim," that a Jewish home should be filled with holy books, and decided to paint the Vaspis' home in a shade inspired by the red brick row "house of theRebbe of Lubavitch."

While they were working on building a kosher home - separate sinks for dairy and meat, a large display of seforim and photos of the Rebbe throughout - they sent the family on vacation in the Golan Heights.

When the Vaspis returned, after 5 days of hard labor on their house, they were welcomed by a crowd of cheering people and a colorful, modern brand new home and friendly garden which was named the "Joy of Life Park."

"This family contributes to the community every day and this was our chance to give back to them with whole hearts," said the host, thanking the many Israeli firms that donated appliances, tiles and lumber.

They even redid the "farbrengen corner," the barbecue area where Einav holds a weekly chassidic inspirational gathering for men. A frequent guest there is the local Shliach Rabbi Yaakov Reices who came to affix a Mezuzah on the front door.

The mezuza was shaped as the middle column and entrance of the 770 building. "Shehecheyanu Vekiyimanu vahigiyanu," the father blessed with a wide smile, and tears in his wife and children's eyes.

The Israeli version of the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" reality television series has recently featured the house of Einav and Anat Vaspi, residents of the rural settlement Yesud HaMa'ala in Northern Israel.

Creators of the show, which provides home improvements for families that faced some sort of recent or ongoing hardship, were touched by the story of the Lubavitch couple and their 4 daughters.

Is She Right?

Frimet Goldbeger - Photo credit: Forward

I have to say… Frimet Goldberger, a formerly Chasidic (Satmar) but still Orthodox woman  is very hard to disagree with. From the Forward:

As an Orthodox woman, I understand the unique challenges men, especially Orthodox men, face daily in controlling their beastly sexual impulses. I understand because I live with a man. An Orthodox man.

Men, before you get all riled up about my sexist statement, allow me to explain. In a recent article, blogger PopChassid addresses this issue.

“Dear women,” he writes, “I have a request…I would like to ask you to dress modestly…I’ve come to accept something about myself. That inside of me is something dark. Something disturbing. It’s the evil, conniving side of me…It’s what I call my friggin’ bastard within…It’s the side of me that turns people into objects. Especially women… I need to work not to objectify you no matter what. Even if you’re dressed in a bikini or even, for some reason, running around naked. But here’s the thing: just like anything in my life, whether it’s not gossiping or getting angry or anything else — I screw up. I screw up a lot. That’s who I am, that’s who (I’m guessing) you are, and that’s who everyone else. I’m a screwup. It’s my natural state of existence.”

To this I say, Amen, screwup. Women are objectified by friggin’ bastards, all the time. And men have to deal with this, all the time.

That is simply not fair.

You see, as someone who disposed of many of the stringent Hasidic modesty rules, I can attest to the fact that immodest women are objects. In fact, I am constantly objectified by many disturbing, dark, and evil men. For instance, when I dress in a bikini and run around naked (which happens all the time), men need to work that much harder to control their urges.

But, here’s the thing: just like anything in my life — whether it’s not flashing my next door neighbor, or putting on clothing in the morning, or anything else — I screw up. I screw up a lot. It’s my natural state of existence, and I can’t help it.

Before you write me off as a joke, hear me out. I have a suggestion to you, Popper (can I call you that?), and to all struggling bastardly men out there:

Take your request a step further. Demand that women all over (that includes you, Pamela Anderson!) dress according to the tznius standards of the queens of modesty — Satmar women.

The attire for Satmar women is consciously designed with evil men in mind. Women wear long-sleeved refrigerator boxes, short wigs or shpitzels (synthetic hair rolled up into a sausage-shaped accessory, usually worn underneath a scarf, so that only one round inch shows), and bulletproof stockings — which acquired their name from the famous and heroic story of the late Satmar Rebbe, Yoel Teitelbaum, who, in order to ascertain the thickness of his signature stockings, had his gabbai shoot through them with a Glock 22, while he wore them on his legs.

What are the benefits of dressing like Satmar women, you may ask. Well, as a former Satmar, I can assure you they are numerous. No Satmar man ever struggles with impure thoughts; he never has to see a pair of elbows that isn’t his wife’s; he also never has weird things happening you know where because of a woman, unless it is in his bedroom — with his wife.

They are the true bas yisroels — the pious gatekeepers of Hashem’s Torah, his children, heck, even his world.

But, I know, this may not be possible for everyone. So — my other suggestion to you is to advocate for modesty standards that comply with those of the so-called ‘Hot Chanis’. One commenter suggested they are as immodest as shiksas. That is false. In fact, men all over prefer tight skirts over pants and $3,000 styled-to-perfection wigs over temperamental hair. ‘Sheitle Hookers’ are perhaps not as modest as Satmar women, but they certainly dress for their husbands and not for other beastly men. I have spoken to some of them and they are completely befuddled by the assertion that they are trying to reel in other men.

PopChassid, as a formerly-Satmar and currently naked Orthodox woman, I ask that you please consider my suggestion. I honestly believe you will be doing women, and especially the women close to you, a great service if you do. 

Empowering Special-Needs Kids.

Shira Greenland

There are some really great people in the world today. Shira is one of them. She is everything the following Jewish Week article says and a lot more. She also happens to be the sister of my son in law NCSY International Director Rabbi Micha Greenland:

At Shalem, a Teaneck high school for teens with developmental disabilities — part of New Jersey’s SINAI network of Orthodox special-needs schools — Shira Greenland’s official job title is director.

In recent years she’s also become the school’s theater director — and producer/playwright/choreographer — overseeing such productions as “Newsies,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and, most recently, “The Sound of Music.”

She first tried a production five years ago, inspired by an autistic student who “had a natural ability to act, and I wanted to try and create that opportunity for him. And I felt his peers could do well in supporting roles.”

After that student graduated, Greenland wasn’t sure the show could go on. But because the kids had enjoyed the experience so much, she decided to try.

“What I’ve learned is how capable the kids really are,” she says.

A native of Chicago, Greenland began working with developmentally disabled kids the summer after her freshman year of high school, volunteering as a “shadow” at a day camp.

By the time she started college, at Stern, she knew “this was a population I wanted to work with, I just wasn’t sure in what capacity.” While pursuing a master’s in social work at Columbia, she began working at SINAI, first as a school social worker.

Greenland organizes a variety of chesed projects where her students “are the do-ers of chesed.”

She explained, “I’m trying to teach society that [these students are] capable of giving, not just receiving.”

Before running the SINAI high school, Greenland worked in its group home for adults, where “I’ve made it clear that a developmental disability is not an excuse to sit on the couch and watch TV. They’re adults and part of our community, and there are all sorts of ways they can contribute, whether it’s going to a shiva house and completing the minyan or comforting a mourner by your presence, or delivering meals on wheels.”

Bittersweet move: This summer Greenland, who is single, will make aliyah, something she’s been wanting to do for 15 years. “Last summer I decided I’m not going to wait anymore, I’m going to take the plunge,” she says. “But it also means saying goodbye to my students.”

Another Chilul HaShem

I really think that most Yeshiva high schools - including this Modern Orthodox one - simply do not teach their students how to behave in public. And that can only end up in Chilul HaShem. Furthermore, I don't buy the argument made by one of those students at the end of the following JTA article. In fact I think he increased the Chilul HaShem with those accusations! What is the matter with these people?

We’ve all been there before. You’re on a flight and a teenager wearing a Dave Matthews Band t-shirt, headphones and a neck pillow walks down the aisle still wearing sunglasses. Then another one. And another.

Or maybe you’ve been the teenager on a flight, excited to hang out with your friends and schmooze en route to some sunny destination.

Either way, it can be frustrating: for the adult passengers, who just want the damn kids to sit down and shut up; and for the kids, who keep being told to sit down and shut up.

That frustration apparently boiled over on Monday, when 101 Jewish high school students and their eight chaperones were ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight to Atlanta, CNN reported.

The facts of the matter remain, shall we say, up in the air. The crew claims the students, from Yeshivah of Flatbush in Brooklyn, were thrown off because of their disruptive behavior, refusing to sit down and shut down their phones prior to takeoff. The teachers and students claim the crew blew the situation of proportion and that they were acting well within normal expectations. Predictably, one student felt that it was their visible religiosity that drew unwarranted attention.

“They treated us like we were terrorists,” student Jonathan Zehavi said. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m not someone to make these kinds of statements. I think if it was a group of non-religious kids, the air stewardess wouldn’t have dared to kick them off.”

The group was put on other flights within the hour.

Picture from a Wedding

I do not get Chasidus. What makes all these people want to look like clones of each other? Why is there such an attraction to a Rebbe? Why do they venerate him so much - as though he were near God-like! This picture is an enigma to me... as is all of Chasidus. Cannot figure them out at all. What does anyone who becomes a part of this world really gain?

This picture depicts a Chasidic Kallah doing a Mitzvah Tanz. She stands there - face fully covered (including her eyes), standing straight, not moving a muscle while holding on to a very long rope or belt while Chasidim are asked one at a time to come up and 'dance' with her while holding the other end of the rope. What in heaven's name are they doing? Why is this done? What kind of holiness does this represent? ... at the wee hours of the morning?!

Agri Star's Kiddush HaShem

Agri Star Donates More Than $50,000 Worth Of Meat Products To Oklahoma Tornado Relief
by Shmarya Rosenberg 

Heshy Friedman, CEO of Agri Star

Happy to cross post a Kiddush HaShem from Failed Messiah:

Agri Star, the successor company to Agriprocessors, has donated 20,000 pounds of meat products to Oklahoma tornado relief in partnership with the haredi chain of soup kitchens Masiba.

The meat and poultry products, which Agri Star says have a wholesale value of more than $50,000, were shipped from Postville, Iowa late yesterday afternoon, Agri Star’s Jo-Ann Chadbourne told me yesterday.

Masiba was attempting to raise the appoximately $3,000 shipping costs but had not raised most of the money when the National Council of Young Israel stepped in and pledged to cover whatever amount Masiba was short, Chadbourne said.

The round trip from Postville, including loading and offloading, takes approximately 30 hours. An additional 10 hours of rest time for the driver before he returns to Iowa is required by law.

The food – much of which is already cooked product like chicken nuggets or deli items – will be delivered to Chabad of Oklahoma City, which has turned itself into a shelter for victims and a resting place for rescue and recovery workers. 

Chadbourne told me that 3 out of 4 pages of the invoice is made up of glatt kosher items under Shor Habor/Aaron's Best Brands; “random items on the fourth page are blended” kosher and non-kosher.

She also said that Agri Star donated a large amount of meat during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.